Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The Revolution Will Be Undersized

While I subscribe to the FD notion of apositionality, I find myself always rooting for a certain type of player: the undersized power forward. These dudes might not have the height that scouts herald, but they make up for it with length, athleticism, and toughness. An afterthought entering the league, they are changing it from the inside. They have started the Undersized Power Forward Revolution.

Carl Landry, Houston Rockets
Landry is pure beast. And he's apparently Superman. He terrorizes defenses with his hops, and shuts offenses down with the anger of Chuck Hayes.

Leon Powe, Boston Celtics
Powe's offensive repertoire is as solid as it is hilarious. His moves are more chaotic than Tony Allen, yet he has great touch and somehow holds on to the ball. If you give him the rock, he will get to the rim.

Paul Millsap, Utah Jazz
Watching Millsap rebound is an experience. In Carlos Boozer's absence, he showed Salt Lake City that he is The Future. He is pure fury.

Brandon Bass, Dallas Mavericks
Brandon Bass has a developing offensive game and super strength. He is the only reason to watch the Mavericks (sorry, Mahoney. Still read you every day, though).

Glen Davis, Boston Celtics
Glen Davis is bad. I will not use his nickname, even if it is vaguely insulting. However, he has filed a formal protest to this rejection. Awaiting further evidence.

Kevin Love, Minnesota Timberwolves
In the words of the truly excellent John Krolik, "Kevin Love is corpulent and can rebound. Also, he looks like a jerk." You cannot join the revolution if your defining move is the outlet pass.

After the draft, there will be others joining the revolution. Support us, masses!
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5 comments:

  1. KaifaApril 8, 2009 at 4:11 PM

    Possible additions: Craig Smith - a notch below your guys, but he fits the mold and his nickname is awesome - "The Rhino"!

    Jason Maxiell, who regressed a little this year.

    Kenny Thomas - for still being around.

    Of course Barkley as the blueprint, with honorable mention to guys like Larry Johnson or even Clarence Weatherspoon who stuck around way longer than he should have.

    ReplyDelete
  2. GnachSanojApril 8, 2009 at 4:56 PM

    I think the UFPR should have an award named after Charles Barkley, yes because he started it all.

    Craig Smith and Jason Maxiell I think should go on there.

    Dunno if you consider Luis Scola undersized or not, or David Lee. Ryan Gomes I guess isn't much of a PF anymore.... Hey this is kind of fun.

    Malik Rose. End of story.

    ReplyDelete
  3. GnachSanojApril 8, 2009 at 4:57 PM

    Wait... shouldn't it be UPFR?

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  4. AnonymousApril 8, 2009 at 5:58 PM

    I'll forgive you. But just this once.

    ReplyDelete
  5. GKCApril 9, 2009 at 8:55 AM

    Um, how do you not have?

    Legend: Charles Barkley, the one that kept the dream alive for them all.

    Reggie Evans is fun to watch too. He's just a pure ball of energy

    ReplyDelete

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