TCD Exclusive: Sixers Change Lineup

PHILADELPHIA -- The Carbs Dribble has learned that the Philadelphia 76ers plan to revamp their starting lineup prior to the beginning of the playoffs. Most commentators believe that the Eastern Conference will be won the Cleveland Cavaliers, Boston Celtics, or Orlando Magic. Today, the Sixers will attempt to shatter that equilibrium. Interim coach Tony DiLeo will use this lineup in their first round playoff series.

PG: Handouts Guy Ed
Handouts Guy Ed, more affectionately known as Handouts, will be the primary ballhandler for this new lineup. He never loses the dribble, rarely turns the ball over, and is a master at running the break.

SG: Dad Hey Outguns
Outguns is the team's leading scorer and a deadly shooter. He can take you off the dribble, and if you leave him open, he won't miss.

SF: Daunted Hugs Yo
Daunted Hugs is a tenacious wing defender who can drive at will. He is a combination of Bruce Bowen's ferocity, Shane Battier's intellectualism (computers?), and Gerald Wallace.

PF: Eh Gaudy Donuts
Donuts is a power forward whose game most resembles Carlos Boozer. You know, the good parts. Just kidding. There are no good parts. Carlos probably wouldn't get the joke, either.

(Disclaimer: Previous section may or may not have been written by Matt Moore)

C: Daunt Ye Doughs
Daunt Ye Doughs is an unparalleled defensive force. He blocks every shot. He grabs every rebound. He gets out on every screen. He intimidates Dwight Howard.

I was able to sit down with Mr. Doughs at practice yesterday. I asked him a few questions about the new lineup.

TCD: How excited are you to be named to the starting lineup for the playoffs?
DYD: I am very excited. I've been doing my thing all year and Coach DiLeo finally recognized me.
TCD: What do you think your chances are in the postseason?
DYD: If we go out there and play our game, I think we can beat any team, man. Even the Bucks.
TCD: How do you feel about the other members of the new starting lineup?
DYD: They're great, man. Great. I feel like I've been playing with these guys for years. We're just so in sync. It's like they cloned me four times.
TCD: Thanks for joining me.
DYD: Yep.

This is a truly interesting development. This new lineup may propel the Sixers to the NBA finals.

Get pumped, Philadelphia!